Kagami's Bad Romance
by Kyle J
Summary: Things get strange when Kagami loses a bet and is forced to go on a date with the new transfer student in her class. Made for the Mostly Lucky Star Forum 11th challenge.


**This story is an entry for the Mostly Lucky Star Forum's 11th challenge. The challenge was to write either a bad fic or a shameless self insert. I decided to not write either because-**

**wait, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? Put down that-**

_***Bang***_

* * *

><p>It was a mellow morning in Japan. Despite the time, the sun still seemed to have just risen. It was here at a train station, that three friends were talking.<p>

"I'm telling you, it's true!" a girl with long blue hair said in a pout.

"Oh come on Konata, I highly doubt that there's a transfer student coming to our school." A purple haired girl with twin tails said in responds.

"But Kagami, I know what I heard the teachers talking about." Konata said in defense.

"Yeah, and where was this exactly?" Kagami asked in a mocking voice.

"Yesterday in the hall way outside of the teachers office."

"Uh huh, I don't buy it." Kagami said as she turned her direction to her twin sister. "what about you Tsukasa.

Tsukasa was quickly on the spot. She knew she had to agree with one, and risk making the other angry. After a long pause she finally spoke up. "um..well I'm sure Kona-chan is telling the truth.." Tsukasa said nervously.

"Hurry up and get on the train Tsukasa!" Kagami yelled as she leaned out of the train door.

Tsukasa yelped as she scurred to get on the train. "_Just how long did I take to reply?" _She asked herself as she sat down in embarrassment.

**Skip to-The School!**

Konata and Kagami's argument lasted all through their commute to school. It finally ended when the group split up and Kagami went to her separate way.

As she was about to enter her classroom, Konata suddenly called out to her.

"Hey Kagamin, come over here for a sec!" Konata shouted from across the hallway.

A very annoyed Kagami turned around and walked over to her shorter friend. "what do you want now?" She asked in a stern tone.

"Lets make a bet about this transfer student." Konata said with an obvious tone of mischief.

"Alright fine, when you find out there won't be one, you have to not play games for a month." Kagami said with a snicker. "_She'll never go for that."_

"Ok deal. However, if this person does come today, you have to ask them out on a date, regardless of gender." Konata said wickedly, her grin being that of a devil.

"O..Ok fine, there's no way I'll lose anyway!" And with that, Kagami walked back to her classroom and sat down.

After twenty minutes of class went by, Kagami was sure she had won. "_Well Konata, it looks like there's no transfer student in my class, and I doubt there's one in your class either."_

However, Kagami's declared victory was interrupted by the classroom door opening. Kagami turned her head, and was dumbstruck. There in the doorway was a boy with semi long brown hair, and reddish eyes.

"You can't be serious…" Kagami said so faintly that it was impossible to hear.

"Huh, oh yeah. Class, we're getting a transfer student today." "Why don't you introduce yourself to everybody. Not like it matters to me though, I can just read your file."

The boy to the center of the room and took a bow. Then he spoke. "Greetings, the name's Jeiku, Andoreedo Jeiku." He said in an unusual tone. He had his jacket unbuttoned, revealing his white undershirt. "Let's see, I like to listen to music, and harshly criticize people's writing." There was an odd silence after he said that. "And don't worry everybody, I wanna be friends." He said while his smile showed off his white teeth.

"_Great, I don't even like this guy's aura, and I have to go out with him!"_ Kagami screamed in her mind.

**Skip to-LUNCH!**

Kagami stood up as the lunch bell rang. Like always, she was headed towards her friend's and sister's classroom. However, as she approached the hallway door, somebody reached out from behind and touched her shoulder.

"Hey, hold up." An unfamiliar voice said from behind.

"What?" Kagami asked, confused. She turned around and saw that the mysterious person was no other than the new transfer student, Andoreedo Jeiku.

"Well, I don't think we've really been acquainted yet." Jeiku said with a bright smile.

"Have you even been acquainted with anybody in class yet?" Kagami asked in stern voice.

"Why no I haven't." Jeiku replied, his smile still in tacked. "I figured I'd want to know you the best."

A cold sweat went down Kagami's neck. "_He can't be serious, can he?_" She thought as she looked at his face. Jeiku had one of those smiles that showed no teeth, yet he had his eyes closed as well. The smile seemed to annoy Kagami to a great degree. '_I might as well get it over with._" She said in her mind. "Um…ok, then why don't we go out sometime?" Kagami said with a hint of pain in her voice.

Jeiku opened his eyes and gave Kagami a mysterious look. "Alright, then lets write a beautiful romance together." He said while looking like a character in a shoujo manga.

"Oh please, I don't think any romance between us would be anything beautiful." Kagami said, while she tried hard not to be sick.

Jeiku's eyes seemed to shine brighter as he spoke. "Oh, then you and me could write a bad romance." "That should be more proper, correct?"

Kagami just stared at him blankly. " Just what the hell does that mean?" She asked.

In what seemed like one movement, Jeiku swept Kagami off her feet and had her leaning on his arm as he leaned closer to her face, stunning the rest of the class. "It means less talk and more fun with my amazing sexual prowess." He said in a whispering voice.

He was about to kiss Kagami before she pushed him back. "Umm yeah, I'm gonna go have lunch now." Kagami said before fleeing the room as fast as she could.

Once she was in the safety of her friend's classroom, Kagami quickly rushed over to Konata and grabbed her by the collar. "I hope you're happy you midget!" She exclaimed as she stared harshly into Konata's eyes.

"Kagami-sama, what brought this on?" Konata asked in shock.

"Thanks to you, I have to go out with that creep of a man!"

"Oh, so I was right after all." Konata said with a hint of pride in her voice and a small grin.

"Yes, and I'm not happy about it one bit!" Kagami said as she pushed Konata back into her chair.

"Well Sis, why don't you tell us about him?" Tsukasa said in a scared voice.

Kagami sat down, took a deep breath, and decided to explain. Konata, Tsukasa, and Miyuki just sat and listened as Kagami explained every detail about the new student in her class. "and then he tried kissing me without asking." Kagami said, finishing her story.

None of the girls knew what to say in responds to the story. After a few minutes, Konata finally broke the silence. "uh, Kagami. Is that him over there?" She said as she pointed to a boy walking towards them.

Kagami turned to see that Jeiku was in fact walking towards them. "Hold it! Just what are you doing here?" Kagami asked in an angry voice.

Jeiku flipped his hair out of his eye before speaking. "Well it's simple. You know that I want you." He said with a smile. "And you know that I need you." "So I came here to get the hourly intake of your beautiful face." He said with a wink that just drove Kagami insane. After a few seconds, Jeiku finally noticed the others. "Oh hellom you must be Kagami's friends."

"Hold it, how do you know my name? And why aren't you using my surname?" Kagami asked while clenching a fist.

Jeiku shrugged his shoulders. "I asked a cute brown haired girl your name, she was pretty easy to seduce if you ask me." "And once a girl is seduced, they'll tell you anything."

"I see what you mean Kagamin." Konata said as she looked at Kagami.

"And who might you be my precious loli?" Jeiku said as he glanced at Konata.

"uh…Izumi Konata."

"Konata huh, I like that name." Jeiku said kindly. "I might have to make myself the luckiest star in the world and get both you and Kagami."

"First off, that just sounded horrible. Sceond off, that will never happen!" Kagami said in an angry voice.

The bell rang before anybody had a chance to respond. After it finished, Jeiku retuned his glance to Kagami.

"Well it appears it is time for the two of us to return to our classroom Kagami." He said as he lightly grabbed Kagami's hand. "It was nice meeting you Konata…or should I say sexy." With that, he lead the disturbed Kagami out of the room.

"Izumi-san….are you alright?" Miyuki asked in a concerned tone as she looked at the blank expression on Konata's face.

Konata turned to Miyuki. "I think I may hate him a little….." Konata said in a soft, confused voice.

**Skip to- AFTER SCHOOL**

After school ended, Kagami met up with Konata, Tsukasa, and Miyuki in order to go to the train station together. However, the group was also greeted by an unwanted tag along.

"And where are you headed to Kagami?" Jeiku asked with a a grin. (**Damn double grin, typos ftw!)(That rhymes bitch!)**

"I am going home with my sister!" Kagami said in an angry tone. "But that is none of your business."

"Of course it is, we have a date."

"That wasn't meant for today!" Kagami said in astonishment.

"Of course it will be today." Jeiku said as he put his hand on his thigh. "I want your love, so I decided to move the unnamed day of our date to today and at this particular hour."

"Not going to happen." Kagami said as she turned away from him.

"Now hold on Kagamin, maybe you should. We'll watch you guys from behind." Konata said as she butted in on the conversation.

Kagami gave Konata a disgusted look. "Hell no!" She said before she started walking away.

"I'll tell you what." Jeiku said. "If you go out with me right now, I'll leave you alone forever." Jeiku watched Kagami as she stood still.

"DEAL!" Kagami shouted as she turned around.

"Perfect." Jeiku said with a grin.

With that, the couple that was Kagami and Jeiku got on a train and went down town, with Konata, Tsukasa, and Miyuki fallowing them that is. Once they got off, Jeiku decided to lead Kagami to a decent family restaurant. The two sat at a table by themselves as they ate and talked together.

"You're not touching your food, are you ok?" Jeiku asked as he looked at Kagami's full plate.

"I'm just not hungry." Kagami said, hoping that the date would be over soon.

"Well, as long as our love still shines, you need not worry about food."

"I need to know, just what the hell your basis on love is?" Kagami said in a half sarcastic, half angry tone.

"Why that's pretty simple, my darling." Jeiku said with a smile. "Kiss, kiss, fall in love." Jeiku then took Kagami's hand and lifted it up to his lips. "Maybe you're my love." He said as he kissed her hand softly.

Kagami was suddenly filled with rage. However, she started blushing against her will. "_Why, why aren't I yelling?" _She thought as her face started burning. Kagami looked up into Jeiku's bright, sparkling eyes. "_I definitely don't like him, but maybe he's not that bad."_

"Say, I've got an idea." Jeiku said, returning Kagami's gaze. "Why don't you bring yours, and I bring mine." He said before winking. "And together we'll make sixty-nine!"

Jeiku's suggestion was quickly met with a slap from Kagami's hand. "Of course not!" Kagami shouted as she stood up. "Why on earth would I want to do something like that, and with you of all people?"

"Because I want your ugly and I want your disease." Jeiku said as he shrugged his shoulders with a smile on his face.

"What is with your terrible remarks?" Kagami asked in anger. "Are all of your answers non sequiturs or something?"

"Of course not, because everything about you and my massive reproduction saber are relevant to the topic." Jeiku said with confidence.

"Why are you so fucking weird?" Kagami yelled in disgust.

Jeiku quickly ran next to Kagami and pressed his finger against her mouth. "Of course I'd love to fuck in a weird way, but after the time my throbbing love stick got invaded by table condiments in the most uncomfortable way possible, I decided to never do those things in a restaurant again." Jeiku said with a passionate voice. "Waitress, get me a coke at once!" He said as he looked towards a staring waitress. "I shall be leaving in a minute with this fine, fine lady, to go do bed bouncing things!"

"Uh, I'm sorry sir, but we only have Pepsi." The waitress said in shock after hearing what Jeiku had just said.

"Very well, just like Michael said, we are the Pepsi generation." Jeiku said with charisma. "Get me a Pepsi my dear loli waitress, and make it a Mont Blanc flavor Pepsi, and don't forget to play the Pepsi Man theme song when you hand it to me."

"I'm sorry, but we don't have Mont Blanc flavored Pepsi." The waitress said in fear.

Jeiku had an annoyed look on his face. "Then get some from the vending machine from across the street." He said with a slightly angry tone.

"Um alright, but what's Pepsi Man?" The confused and terrified waitress asked.

"IT'S ONLY THE BEST SERIES OF SODA COMMERCIALS EVER, THAT WERE ONLY AIRED HERE IN JAPAN IN THE 1990's!" Jeiku yelled, his voice sounding angry for the first time.

"RIGHT, I'll be back sir." The waitress shouted before running out the door.

Almost twelve minutes went by before the stunned Kagami finally broke the silence.

"Just what the hell is going on here?" She asked in concern for herself, and anger towards Jeiku.

"I know, that waitress should be back with my Pepsi by now." Jeiku said as he started to ponder.

"No, not the stupid Pepsi you nitwit!" Kagami said, it being obvious that her anger was growing.

"Really? Then what is it that's bothering you?" Jeiku asked in confusion. "I doubt it could really be that much more important than my Mont Blanc Pepsi."

A vein was visible on Kagami's forehead as she raised a clenched fist. "Is there anything you care about other than that damn Pepsi!" She shouted.

Jeiku just looked at her with a smile. "Well, I thrusting into you before shooting my white body gold onto your back is certainly more important." He said. "And of course our reminiscing about old times is important."

Kagami gave Jeiku a confused look. Old times? What are you talking about?" She asked with a tone that seemed to have forgotten all about being angry.

"Wait, you mean you don't remember it?" Jeiku said in shock. He turned towards the other table. "Konata, Tsukasa, Miyuki! Do any of you remember the time we met before all of this? The time I gave you the O.C. defeating gun?" He asked.

"O.C.?" Miyuki said in confusion.

"Um…did something like that ever happen to us?" Tsukasa asked, equally as confused.

"Not in my memory." Konata said.

Jeiku's eyes grew wide and his fingers tensed up. "Dammit! This is all his fault!" He said before running out of the restaurant. Kagami and the others quickly followed him out in order to get answers.

Jeiku was kneeling in the middle of a park side walk across the street from the restaurant when they found him. He put his hands on his head and shouted.

"It's all your fault that they don't remember me!" Jeiku shouted to the sky. "Even with you dead, you still ruin things for me you bastard!"

"Who are you talking about?" Kagami asked in concern.

Jeiku turned towards her. "Don't worry about it, the guys dead now, I killed him in the opening Author's Note." He said with despair being visible from his red eyes.

"You never learn, do you Jeiku." Said a mysterious loud voice that came from know where.

"Who said that?" The girls said in a union as they looked around the empty park.

"…He's alive, and he's here!" Jeiku exclaimed as he stood up and look at the sky.

**Warning, the fallowing scene will become 25% better with epic battle music playing**

Suddenly a ball of fire started falling from the sky. It crashed on the ground twenty feet away from the group and left an imprint on the ground. Once the fire disappeared, a figure could be seen. It was the figure of a young man. Despite falling from the sky in a ball of fire, this man had absolutely no injuries on him.

"So you live, Kyle!" Jeiku said in an angry tone.

"Of course, you didn't possible think you could defeat me that easily did you?" Kyle said with his hand on his hip. He turned his attention to the girls. "Greeting, I am Kyle Justin, the original author of this story, the author before Jeiku took control." "You might want to run away from that crazy maniac." Kyle said in a serious tone.

"Don't worry ladies, you shall all please me sexually once I kill him, but until then, you should leave if you value your life." Jeiku said in a wicked tone, an evil look pasted on his once charming face. "This fight will surely get ugly."

With that said Kyle and Jeiku charged at each other. Kyle produced a giant golden mallet out of know where and swung it at Jeiku. However, the mallet was blocked by a White hammer of similar size.

"I'm sorry Kylie-chan, but your simple mallet can't possible beat my white hammer of power!" Jeiku said with an evil laugh.

"We'll just see about that!" Kyle shouted.

Suddenly a giant blue beam shot out for the tip of the mallet and completely covered Jeiku in a big explosion. The smoke cleared away and showed no sign of Jeiku.

"Dammit you O.C., where on earth did you go?" Kyle asked in confusion.

"Believe it or not, I'm walking on air." Jeiku said as he looked down.

Kyle turned and saw that Jeiku was indeed walking on air five feet over him. Jeiku then through his hammer and destroyed the mallet in Kyle's hand. Kyle Jumped up and put his hands together.

"Super rip of technique number twelve!" Kyle shouted. "Hadouken!" With those words being said, a blue ball of fire shot from Kyle's hands.

"Oh please, your weak Street Fighter reference won't beat me." Jeiku said. Then in one swift movement, he kicked the ball of fire back at Kyle so fast that he had no time to dodge it.

Kyle flew and hit the ground right next to Kagami and Konata's feet.

"What's going on?" Konata asked as she looked at the wound Kyle had on his cheast.

"Jeiku is an O.C. I created back when I was rewriting a story, he decided to hijack my account on and attempted to kill me." Kyle said with a grunt. "So, I must kill him first."

"So I heard you like loli's Kylie." Jeiku said as his eyes grew wickeder. "Then enjoy this!"

As Jeiku said that, he pulled out a massive sword. The swords length was over ten feet. He then jabbed it in the direction of a small red haired girl.

"No, Yutaka run!" Kyle and Konata shouted as they realized who the girl was.

But it was too late. The sword went straight through poor little Yutaka's stomach causing a bath of blood to shoot out and completely paint the floor red.

Kyle ran to the corpse that was once a living girl. Ýu-chan…no" He said with tears coming out of his eyes. While Kyle held the small body in his arms, he lightly stroked her hair.

"What can I say, my large sword was created to pierce the softness of little girls." Jeiku said while laughing.

Kyle gently set Yutaka down before standing up and facing Jeiku. "You killed one of the only girls I've ever loved." He said while sobbing. "Prepare to die you loli killing hat fucker!" Kyle shouted before a broadsword form in his hands. And with one kick from the ground, he flew in the air towards Jeiku.

With one swing, Kyle's might swords shattered Jeiku's. However, before Kyle could strike at him, Jeiku from a smaller red battle sword to block his attack. The two started to clash swords. Each second was filled with sparks and the sound of metal crashing against each other.

It was after a few minutes that Jeiku made a flaw. He accidentally let his hand slip giving Kyle a chance to strike him.

"Go sword bullet!" Kyle shouted as he pointed his sword towards Jeiku. Suddenly a black ball shot out from Kyle's sword and hit Jeiku in the chest.

"Shit, I'm tired." Jeikiu sighed as he clenched his chest. "That's it, I need a MORNIG RESCUE!"

"Eh?" Kyle said as he stared confusingly at Jeiku.

Jeiku then made a long bottle with an orange liquid inside it out of now where. "yes Moring Rescue, the great Japanese drink from House foods." Jeiku said with a smile. "It's packed with 14kcal per 100ml and Ukon Herbs, this citrus drink is perfect for morning refreshment, rehydration, and recovering from long nights of doing otaku things." "So if you've been gaming, watching anime all night, or have been shot with a magical sword bullet like I was, drink Morning Rescue to recover!"Jeiku said before chugging down the bottle. "But remember, it has no fruit juice."

Kyle looked more confused than ever. "What, is this a commercial now?" He asked as he scratched his head. "Why would you advertise a beverage in the middle of our epic fight?"

"Because I'm a free bitch, baby!" Jeiku said before punching Kyle extremely hard, sending him flying straight into a building. "Now it's time for my special attack, Kinkajou storm!"

After Jeiku said that, a million Kinkajous flew from the sky and attacked Kyle. Kyle ran out of the destroyed building covered in the evil animals as the scratched and bit him all over his body.

"That's it!" Kyle said before releasing a wave of energy from his body, making all the Kinkajous fly away. "Nobody attacks Kyle Mathew Justin with monkey looking animals!"

"Yes, nobody hurts the pussy sixteen year old who wears a rainbow t-shirt when he sleeps, has long hair, makes fail let's plays on YouTube, and doesn't have because he's A-sexual." Jeiku said in a sarcastic voice.

"Shut up!" Kyle said. Then with all his might, he flew towards Jeiku and threw a round house kick towards him.

With that kick, the two got into a massive martial arts style fight of epic proportions. Kyle threw a punch towards Jeiku's face, but he ducked and kneed Kyle in the chest and uppercutted. Kyle then hit him with a hook punch. He then struck the stunned Jeiku with twenty jabs to the chest.

Of course, Jeiku didn't let that get away. "Rockman Buster, activate!" He shouted as a giant blue canon replaced his hand. Jeiku then shot a powerful blue and reddish beam from the canon and hit Kyle dead on.

Kyle fell from the sky and hit the ground like a rock. His clothes torn and his body bruised. He could barely stand. He was about to fall before he was grabbed by Kagami.

"Huh, I thought you guys left?" Kyle said as he looked at Kagami and Konata.

"No, we need to see how you can defeat this guy." Kagami said as she looked at all the cuts on Kyle's body.

"Well, Jeiku stole my author stone, so he has the power to make anything happen." Kyle said painfully.

"Then, is there any way to defeat him?" Konata asked. "Everything you do seems to barely hurt him."

"There is one thing." Kyle said weakly. "You see my true source of power was a core drill I used to wear around my neck every day."

"Great, where is it?" Konata said happily.

" I…left it in a hotel room in Anaheim, California." Kyle said as he looked away.

"Fine, then we'll go find it for you, just make a portal appear or something." Kagami said as she let go of Kyle.

"Alright, but hurry, I don't think I can last that long against him in my current condition." Kyle said. He then waved his arm and made a portal appear. "This portal leads right outside the hotel I stayed at, it will close in three hours, so hurry up." He said before flying off to continue his fight.

Kagami and Konata watched as Kyle flew away.

"You heard him Kagamin, let's get going!" Konata said before jumping through the portal, with Kagami following after her.

Jeiku was waiting with his arms crossed when Kyle got to him. His grin showed a small fang, one that he had never shown before.

"Where'd that fang come from?" Kyle asked as he clenched his fists. "That completely screws with all of my established facts about you."

"Sucks to your establishments."

"…did you just parody that saying from Lord of the flies?" Kyle asked in confused tone.

"Yes, I did." Jeiku responded. "Got problems with that?"

"Why would you do such a pointless thing?"

"Because Portal 2 was released before we could make a joke about it in this story!" Jeiku yelled as his eyes got an angry look on them. "And then because Mcdonalds didn't hold the lettuce on my double cheese burger."

"Enough with your obscure references, god dammit!" Kyle said as he rushed towards Jeiku. With a snap from his hand, a staff appeared in Kyle's hands. After doing several lame tricks with it, he swung the staff and hit Jeiku on the side of the head.

Jeiku fell and slapped into the earth. However, he stood up again as if he were never hit.

"Why didn't you explode into a chibi cat?" Kyle asked in astonishment.

"Because this isn't Dog Days, you idiot!" Jeiku said as he spat out blood. "Now if you excuse me, I have to send a text message to the past since that seems to be all the rage these days." Jeiku took out a cell phone and started pressing buttons. Before Kyle knew it, a giant greyish figure jumped out of the phone and hit him with a movement of its arm.

"The past sent me a video clip of this celestial." Jeiku said with a smile.

"Koizumi, I need your help!" Kyle said as he was being hit.

A red ball flew from the sky and started rotating around the grey figure. As it moved, it started severing pieces of its body. The ball then cut a giant cross in the figures chest before ramming into it. The being exploded in an instant and then the ball flew towards Kyle and took the form of a handsome young man.

"Thanks Koizumi, you save me." Kyle said as he wiped sweat from his forehead.

"No problem." Koizumi said with a smile. "Of course you will have to repay me."

Kyle's eyes grew wider as he heard Koizumi say this. "What? I have no money though."

Koizumi gave Kyle a stern look, but his eyes remained closed. "Then write a good story staring me after this, and if you don't make completely dumb assumptions about my past, I'll kill you!" Koizumi said before turning back into a ball and flying away.

"That Itsuki Koizumi sure can be harsh." Jeiku said as he witnessed the conversation.

"Yeah….but so can I!" Kyle said as he rushed back towards his opponent. A blue guitar appeared in his hands. "Prepare to meet the might of illogical weapons!" He said as he swung the guitar and nailed a hit on Jeiku's chest.

Jeiku hit the ground again, but this time he had no time to stand up. Kyle quickly ran him over with a bright yellow Vespa with a black "P" sticker on it. The impact caused Jeiku to be sent flying in the air, only to be met by Kyle driving a flying motorcycle.

"I trust you know where this is going!" Kyle shouted. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a deck of brown cards. He lifted one in the air and shot a laser from it. "Card games always work best on motorcycles, it's just logic!"

Despite all of the damage he took, Jeiku seemed to be fine. A ball of yellow fire appeared around him as he flexed. "Hey Kylie-chan." He said tauntingly.

"What?" Kyle asked with a sigh.

A wicked grin appeared in Jeiku's face. "IT'S FRIDAY, FRIDAY, GOTTA HANG OUT ON FRIDAY!" He shouted in an annoying singing voice.

Kyle grabbed his ears in agony. He let out a painful moan. "No, not that!" Kyle shouted.

"Gotta eat cereal!" Jeiku sang.

"Those two better hurry the hell up!" Kyle groaned as he tried to endure the horrible song.

**Meanwhile in Anaheim California(music may be turned off now if you didn't do it already.)**

Konata and Kagami were busy questioning the hotel staff about the missing drill. However, none of them were willing to talk.

"Come on, you've got to know something!" Kagami said furiously.

"I assure you miss, we don't." Said the Manager, who conveniently spoke Japanese for no explainable reason.

"Then give us the room the drill was lost in." Konata said.

"Why?" Kagami asked as she looked confusingly at her friend.

"Because this is a fan fiction, so we will definitely find it where Kyle left his drill."

The manager agreed and gave them a room key. The two may not have even told him what room it was, or paid him. In fact, the manager had claimed to not know what they were talking about, but knew which room the item was left in, but the author is too busy having an epic battle to fix this plot hole and repair the fourth wall.

Once the two entered the room they stared looking around. Konata checked the desk, Kagami checked the drawers. They looked behind the tv. No matter where they looked it didn't look like the Core drill was there.

Konata looked the bed. "I've got an idea." She said with a grin.

"What is it?" Kagami asked, hoping it wouldn't be ridiculous.

"Let's have sex right now!" Konata said, pulling her words plain out of nowhere.

Kagami was dumbstruck. "Wha, why?" She asked as she put her arms around her chest.

"Because in bad stories like this, sex always solves the problem.

"Why am I getting sexually harassed throughout all of this?" Kagami pouted.

"Because you're the sexy star of this." Konata said before pushing Kagami down on the bed and ripping off her clothes

The two were naked on the bed. Konata was on top of Kagami, her mouth gently sucking on Kagami's nipple. Kagami let out a sigh as she felt a soft nibble. She then moved her hand and started to rub Konata's lower half. This caused Konata to moan.

Konata retuned the gesture and started to kiss Kagami. Their lips were locked tight as their tongues wrestled each other. Kagami sat up and locked hips with Konata. The two began to press their lower body forward, each time being more pleasurable than the other. They embraced as their hips kept rubbing their bodies together.

"Kagamin, I'm gonna cum." Konata panted before pressing her lips against Kagami's. The two climaxed together in complete ecstasy.

They laid in each other's arms for half an hour before they started getting dressed. As she put her shirt on, Kagami noticed something on the floor. "Hey, it's the drill!" She shouted as she picked up a small drill around a black necklace.

"See, I told you sex would help us find it!" Konata said excitedly as she hugged Kagami. "Now let's get this to Kyle before it's too late.

**Back to the battle, since you can't just have more sex. (I speak lies)(Music can also be put on again)**

"I don't understand." Kyle said in a worn out voice. "I wrote your name in the notebook forty seconds ago, you should have had a heart attack."

Jeiku started to laugh. "I'm a fictional character that exists only in typing, I have no heart!" He said.

"Fuck, why didn't I make your soul into a gem, that could be easily destroyed by yandere magical girls with infinite shotguns?" Kyle said in rage.

Both of them looked completely beaten up. They were covered in bruises, cuts, and blood. Yet they continued to fight. They rushed into another fury of fists. Their cycle was simple. Fight, reference, weapon, reference, conversation, fight.

Suddenly, a yellow light appeared. Out of it jumped Konata and Kagami. In Kagami's hands was no other than Kyle's missing core drill.

"Kyle, here!" Kagami shouted as she threw the core drill.

As Kyle grabbed it, he started to go. He turned towards Jeiku as he prepared to give a pointless speech. "I don't give a damn about how strong you are, I make my own outcomes." He said as he gripped the drill in his hands. "You have to write and just keep on writing, the only weaklings are those who fail to realize that bad stories only make you stronger." "Just like with the great Steve Wozniac, seemingly stupid ideas such as co-founding a computer company always have a great outcome." Kyle said as he pounded his fist on his chest. "This story is like that computer company, it makes people think of a fruit that god's of death love."

Kyle then threw his hands into the air. The tiny core drill rapidly started growing until it was larger than the Earth. "MY DRILL IS THE DRILL THAT PIERCES THE FOURTH WALL AND MAKES RIDICULOUS STORIES, NOTHING CAN STOP ME FROM SUCCESS IN LIFE!" He shouted as he jabbed the drill towards Jeiku. "GIGA DURILL BREAKUUUUUUUUUUUU!" **Raw raw fight the power!**

Jeiku was engulfed by a giant green explosion. Nothing was visible except for the awesome light of the drill. Once it ended, a cloud of smoke covered the area where Jeiku was standing.

The smoke cleared only to show that Jeiku was still alive. "That didn't kill me Kyle." He said as he tried to move, but couldn't.

Kyle just smirked. "It wasn't meant to." He said before he flew into the air. "May the power of ultimate moe come to me!" Suddenly a pink cloud formed above Kyle. "Tell me Jeiku, do you know what happens when the most moe anime ever uses its true power?" Kyle said tauntingly.

"No, what?" Jeiku said.

"Why don't we let you just find that out." "K-ON, use you absolute best to destroy him!" Kyle shouted as he threw his hands into the air and flattened his hands.

Five girls in high school uniforms stood on the cloud. Each one had instruments with them. As they started to play a song, a gigantic tea cup formed in the sky. The cup then turned over and shot a bright laser at the paralyzed Jeiku.

The result was just too horrid to describe. Konata and Kagami almost passed out by watching the awesome might that is raw moe.

The cloud then vanished along with Jeiku. Konata and Kagami let out a sigh of relief before running towards Kyle.

"Is it over?" Kagami asked in a hopeful voice.

"NO!" Jeiku shouted as he fell from the sky holding a bastard sword in his hand. His intent was to stab them. However, Kyle quickly turned around and fired a mysterious looking gun at him. Jeiku imploded upon impact with the odd bullet shot from the gun.

The gun then turned to ash in Kyle's hands. "Well, now I've killed a Dream Demon and the dream of an emo high school girl." Kyle said as he clapped his hands together. "I believe we can have a happy ending here, and not have to worry about the completely bad ass animal that is the Honey Badger.

Kyle turned towards Kagami and Konata and smiled. "Don't worry, I can bring Yutaka back and restore the world now. He patted Kagami on the head. "It's all over, let's just forget he ever existed."Kyle then dissolved. His mission was done. Now that Jeiku was finally destroyed, it was up to him to continue writing in order to make himself look more pathetic on forums, and make more fanfictions that he'll barely ever update.

_Noriko slipped home last night,_

_to bid her sleeping parents farewell._

_She took the knife that Nobu used the stab Kitano from her desk._

_Each of us has a weapon now._

_Even if the time comes to use them again,_

_it'll never be an easy choice._

_But we have no choice but the keep moving forward._

_No matter how far, run for all you're worth._

_Run!_

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry about earlier, but Jeiku creeped in and shot me.<strong>

**I'm ok though. **

**Now then, to start explaining this story. I wanted to make an unpredictable story that was both bad and had a shameless insert by me. So I ended up with this. I added several quoutes, including the ones to Lady Gaga, Death note, Dog Days, Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica, Rebbecca Black, Gurren Lagann etc. **

**I chose this quote to end it with, since most bad works of literature try to have morals at the end. Of course the fil that qoute is from is my favorite movie of all time. If you haven't seen it and didn't get the joke, then shame on you.**

**I hope you enjoyed this story.**

***Walks put***

_**Silly Kyle, you should have known that you'll never kill me. Not as long as this world exists. Have a nice day people, because I know Kylie-chan won't.**_

_***Smiles and waves.***_


End file.
